#85 3 years 9 months

2022. 220522.

Hi. I'm back. Tak sangka the page can be quite lonely for 3 years 9 months lebih kurang. So many things happened through out the years. Too many to be honest.

Here's a recap for the past 3 years plus as below:

2nd April 2018, Alhamdulillah I got to be part of the Big 4 firm for almost 3 years (which is the BIG reasons why I'm unable to have much free time to write heheh). Since it is a branch firm, every month feels like a peak period. Endless work. Belum sempat job A siap, here comes job B. And the cycle continues. Can't blame the firm nor the job since culture as an auditor is well known macam tu. Kita sendiri dah pilih untuk be part of it, so kita sendiri kena hadap all of this walaupun it is actually one of my dream job 😢

Nothing much happening back then until it hits the end of 2019. The corona virus outbreak, COVID-19. All the lockdown etc led to two biggest turning point of my life right now.

From dream job to nighmare job

All the deadlines yang kena postponed due to adik beradik MCO and all the redundant workload make some of us can't bear it anymore. Cry at night dah jadi macam part of the jobscope. Most of my friends, one by one started to leave the firm. There's never been a day without a pray to receive any new job offer.

Segala offer yang available lah kita apply, punya nak cepat lari tu. Luckily one of my client then offered me a position in their company and here I am now, joining them since mid Jan 2021.

Tak pernah sangka letting go my dream job is an easiest task. The day I call my manager to tender, until my last day after work drove back home. I cry so hard. Harder than putus cinta. 

But Alhamdulillah, sekarang rasa lebih bertenang. Workload not as heavy as before. Everything definitely feels like more worth. My free time. I got back all the time for k-drama binge watching heheh. My games. Of course there is a time at work yang buat kita marah. But nahhh all of this still bearable than before.

I've sign up one of the dating apps available

Yup. Exactly early 2020 I decided to install and sign up the apps. Sebab masa tu punya azam tahun 2020 nak cari boyfriend heheh. Kerja audit tak pernah ada masa untuk diri sendiri, apentah lagi masa untuk cari pasangan buat diri sendiri. 

Get to know fews. But most of them is not serious at all.

Until the lockdown started, I got a match with someone from Selangor. I really thought that everything going to be so well. We've been friend for 3 months (online, lol) and tipu lah if I said there's no feeling at all. The feeling is there (Heheh my sayang, if you read this. I'm sorry). The moment it start to develop, I've been ghosting....like forever. Krik krik tutup cerita tak best.

That's the moment I feel like I'm so innocent in this field. How come I can trust someone online and even develop a feeling for him. Take it as a lessoned and decided to deactivate the account and delete the apps. Don't think so this platform can help me achieved what I want.

However, I always believe with everything that happened comes with reasons. The day before I delete the apps, I got another match with someone from Johor. Told him I'm going to delete the apps and we agreed to continue being friend through telegram by using our telegram ID instead.

This time, I'm trying to be super cautious. Tak nak pisang berbuah dua kali. I'm going older as the time past, tak nak asyik buang masa.

From days to months to years, from online friend to online and offline lover, and from telegram to whatsapp to meeting each other parents. Never I thought that I'm going to met my love of my life.

He's been there when I'm crying at night because of my job. He's been there the moment I decided to leave my dream job. He's been there when I started my new job. He's always been there with what ever decision that I'm going to make. Funniest thing is he's even here (video call since we are a LDR couple) the moment I write this post trying to remember what is my blog names lol 😂

To my sayang, I know your finally succeed to find my blog and read this.

Thank you for keeping up with me all this time. Let's grow old together and forever 💞

#84 Rizq

0937. 310318.

When I look back to my earliest age as I remember, I would say my timeline life is such a bless actually. Rezeki sentiasa datang mencurah curah like a pouring rain. Dari zaman tadika sampai the moment I'm writing this, rasa macam boleh kira berapa kali aje I'm feeling super down and hopeless.

I'm good with studies dari zaman tadika sampai SPM. Bukan lah sampai tahap outstanding teruk. Tapi quite good lah untuk survive for my own future choices. Got 5As in UPSR and got admitted on my own choice of school. Got 9As (pejam mata dekat bahasa arab yang dapat C herherher) in SPM and got to further my studies on my first choice of UPU list. Cuma zaman PMR tu sekejap lah rasa macam kena thunder jap sebab dapat 5A aje. But overall, I'm super blessed!

After masuk uni, baru dapat rasa macam,

"WHY AM I LIKE THIS? WHY AM I NOT GOOD LIKE OTHERS?"

Lagi lagi bila time tu kita start compare result kita dengan result member yang we used to study together. Bila kita start to compare ourself dengan few others yang super bijok markah kalau exam bukan biasa biasa aje semua.  Bila kita start rasa kita loser for a moment. 

Tapi every hopeless thought will quickly faded away sebab satu benda yang selalu aku pegang evertime dapat result yang shehshejewp or feeling down, "Okay lah ni daripada kena repeat" or "Okay lah ni daripada tak dapat apa apa". We might feeling down with our not-so-good result but others might be suffer sebab kena repeat lagi the same subject or facing even huge problems than us. So, always be grateful even with the smallest thing like this okay!

Sebab bila kita percaya dengan rezeki Allah, kita perlu percaya bahawa every hopeless moments tu perlu for a while sebab rezeki kita mungkin di postponed kan untuk benda yang lebih bagus. 

Aku percaya segala rezeki yang tertangguh waktu zaman study has been paid bila aku dah dapat kerja. Dah lah dapat kerja dekat dream job. Terlampau dream job sampai tak pernah pun terfikir akan join the firm real soon. 

So I guess, my plan to write every week might not be achieved takut jugak jadi super busy with my own kind of unbalanced working life soon. So I'm gonna promise myself to write atleast once a month. Promise!

#83 A week of lesson

0845. 310318.

Tajuk post kali ni bersempena dengan minggu terakhir kerja as PSH dekat office ibu.

Disebabkan minggu tu jugak week last untuk pendaftaran SPM ulangan, the office was super hectic with candidates yang nak daftar untuk repeat few papers and PARENTS yang bertungkus lumus datang instead of their children. 

Jadi, main lesson yang aku belajar sepanjang minggu ini adalah:

 Pasal parents, as always! Memang banyak kali dah aku duk cakap and tulis pasal parents.

Sepanjang minggu aku jaga kaunter semakan SPM haritu, macam macam jenis parents yang aku jumpa susah payah datang ke office nak daftarkan repeat paper anak diorang. Dari melayu sampai lah ke chinese and indian. Too many parents sahaja yang datang sampai satu tahap rasa nak nangis. Nak nangis sebab ada yang parents tolong datangkan sebab anak tengah belajar oversea pastu tetiba requirement dalam SPM tak berapa cukup, ada yang anak tengah kerja, etc.

Their effort buat aku tersentuh sangat. Macam biasa parents always want the best for us. Walaupun terpaksa bersusah payah ulang alik dari office nak kena pergi pos laju pastu nak kena datang balik hantar etc. Dengan cuaca kejap panas terik kejap hujan lebat. Faham tak sedih nak mati kena tengok setiap hari for a week!!!

Paling sedih bila terjumpa sorang pakcik ni, dia agak sound trouble jadi kalau nak bercakap dengan dia macam terpaksa kuatkan sikit suara. Risau betul orang lain ingat kitorang marah dia ke apa. Susah doh nak kuatkan suara. Pastu makin rasa sedih bila pakcik tu tak cukup ambil borang jadi dia kena pergi balik kaunter pendaftaran beratur ambil borang pastu kena pergi balik pejabat pos nak beli wang pos pastu baru boleh submit. Sumpah teringat pakcik tu rasa nak nangis. Even when I'm typing about him right now. Dah lah pakcik tu macam bongkok sikit maybe sebab faktor usia. Dah lah baju pun obvious lusuh plus dia simpan semua borang dgn segala documents dalam plastik kedai runcit aje. Cryyyyyy.

After segala urusan pakcik tu settle dia cakap, "Minta maaf ye pakcik dah tak berapa dengar sangat. Terima kasih ye semua". Aku mampu senyum cakap, "Takpe pakcik takpee". Dont be sorry at all pakcik!! Time tu aku dah menangis dalam hati. Why so sad!!!!

Dear pakcik's son. Please be good to your dad yang dah bertungkus lumus bersusah payah for your future.

Dear self, jangan lupa be good to ibu abah jugak for everything yang diorang dah korbankan untuk kebaikan diri aku sendiri.

#82 MR: Pitch Perfect 3

1121. 100318.

Here goes the second movie!

Pitch Perfect 3

Kalau yang the first two sequel pasal burden bellas yg still dekat burden uni. Yang ketiga ni pasal diorang after dah grad dari uni. So masing masing pun ada kerja and prob sendiri.

But then they just missing their girls and agak tak berapa move on from the bellas etc. So dyorang join actually aku tak sure tu competition ke apa yang pasti macam DJ Khaled yang organise dekat military base. Maka muncul lah askar kacak seketul yang selalu jaga and bawak diorang tour lalalalalaaa. K tak lupa the one who work with DJ Khaled tu pun not bad luls.

Macam biasa dlm pitch perfect ada ripp off pastu nyanyi nyanyi etc. Then Bellas kena kidnap by ayah Fat Amy. Super lol sebab terlampau too good to be true. Tenang teruk perform Toxic walaupun dah nak meletup. Kalau aku mesti dah cuak teruk macam cacing kepanasan.

Okay malas nak cerita panjang plot dia. Straight to the point aje lah ye.

As the movie potrays, its time for us to move on from uni life and start improving ourselves.
Sedih sebab dengs pun lebih kurang aca-bitches macam the bellas. And soon we'll also have our own so called 'Baby Dengs'. Auuwwhhh mesti shomel. But it must be super hard to see each and everyone of us growing up and be part of somebody else family.

The movie really could make us appreciate our friends more. Pastu tetiba aku teringat ada satu cerita yang theme dia pun lebih kurang pasal kawan. Salah satu phrase dia yang aku suka.

"It's you who changed if you feel others have changed"

Faham tak? Kadang kita tak sedar kita rasa macam, Minah ni pehal macam ni dengan aku tetiba. Ni konfem dah berubah lah etc. Tapi sebenarnya kita kena look back to ourselves, what make them change because of our changes.

Malas nak bagi contoh direct sebab contoh tu nanti secara tak langsung akan buat aku pointing on someome yang obviously orang akan tahu. Dan aku pun tak nak amek port on their matter of life anymore. So, skip!

Once almost cry because of Flashlight, but now im really cying because of Freedom. Lagu dia tak sedih mana pun. Cuma the scene itself tu yang macam alahh sedihnyaa dan dalam masa yang sama sebab its finally over.

Sebab rasa macam membesar di zaman uni together with the bellas. The first pitch perfect in 2012 time tu zaman diorang freshie and kita baru kedek kedek masuk cfs at that time. Pastu in 2015 every character develop, so do us. And finally in December 2017, its over while we're getting ready to end our uni life too.

Date of watching: 180218.
Date of writing: 2030. 180218.

#81 MR: Pirates of The Carribean: Dead Man Tells No Tales

1057. 10032018.

So lately I keep writing on my Somnote review of movies that I watched. So, let start with the first movie that I had wrote before.

Pirates of The Carribean: Dead Man Tells No Tales.

How I wish I could immediately writing after watching this great movie! Macam biasa POTC tak pernah menghampakan but the awesome part for me always about the family values behind it.

We've given at first how Henry loves his father so much and struggle bersungguh to break the sea curse on his father. So in case of him, the absolute lesson that really we could learn is. Love your parents/family so much till you willingly do anything for them. Disebabkan I'm the type yang suka meletakkan diri sendiri in each of the watak in most of the movies i watched, the feelings got me so real to be a really good daughter and sister for my family.

Next in term of Carina. At first rasa macam biasa aje sebab okayyy she's trying to find the thing that her father left her behind. Tapi it got me feels so real bila dah dapat tahu Capt Barbossa is her father. Cmon time tu lagi aku dah boleh imagine what will come next. And yeah as i expected time diorang nak get on the black pearl back after the curse broke, while Capt Salazar keep chasing (lol climbing the apetu nama dia sebenarnya) for them, then Carina just relise that the Capt Barbossa is her father.

The MOST MEMORABLE SCENE yang could get me into tears is bila she ask him, "Who am I to you?"

And he proudly said, "TREASURE!'

Then I cry super hard until Capt Barbossa sacrifice himself for them. Ini semua salah Capt Salazar! Kalau dia tak keep kejar, then they may have hope to be happy again. TOGETHER!

Nahh but thats not what makes me sad. Apa yang paling menyedihkan is when i realise that even the bad 'pirates' dad pun want to give the best to their children. Walaupun aku tergelak Capt Barbossa merungut the ruby that he left for her on the Galileo Galilee's diary should be enough for her to used and grow up instead of cari the misteri behind it. But still, he's thinking of Carina's future while he keeps being the pirate on the sea.

But actually what makes me trully feel sad is, bila aku sedar yang aku ada the great parents yang tak leave us behind on anything despite of their own difficulties. We need love, they give us love. We need food, they give us everything etc.

Always feel blessed and love for whatever I've own today. I wouldn't asking for more instead of their good health and being together with us as long as they could.

Thank you Allah.

Date of watching: Kenot remember since Im watching it midnight but quite late. Maybe in the early of Feb. 
Date of writing: Right after finishing the movie before go straight to the bed.